Clients have sometimes been surprised to hear that I, as a counselor, utilize the services of a therapist myself from time to time. Throughout my adulthood, there have been seasons of life when having an objective third party to hear about my own struggles has been very beneficial. In many of life’s circumstances, I have been able to “counsel” myself through crises. However, there have been times when I realized my own counsel was not good enough and would not likely bring about the results I desired.
If you are at a time in your life when you are contemplating the choices you need to make or if you believe you have no choice and your back is up against the wall, it may be time to find a therapist, counselor, or life coach.
What factors should you consider when determining if the time is right to speak with someone about your situation?
- Do you find yourself Self-Editing a lot?
- Have you been stuck in a problem for a long time?
- Is it a problem that keeps cropping up when you think you have overcome it?
- Is it a new problem that you have never dealt with before?
- Are you feeling alone and isolated with your problems?
Self-Editing. Most people do not recognize how much they self-edit. What do I mean by that? People are careful to say what they believe others want them to say. They are equally careful to not say things they believe may cause a stir or a break in a relationship with someone they care about. People will carry their concerns, worries, offenses, and hurts day in and day out, not realizing that bottling everything up can lead to depression, anger, and a less-than-joyful life. In many cases, we are not wrong if we are cautious to keep our feelings to ourselves, but over time these unexpressed feelings may begin to mess with our well-being.
Talking with a counselor can be a way to uncork your feelings and research indicates that just sharing your feelings and point of view can be very healing. Allowing yourself to express thoughts, ideas, opinions, and judgments about others in a confidential setting where you can truly be open can have tremendous healing powers mentally and emotionally. Often as we are unburdened mentally, we can find reciprocating benefits to our physical health as well.
Have you been stuck for some time? Generally speaking, if you have a problem and it is not getting better over time or maybe it’s getting worse, it is a good sign the time has come to seek another’s opinion on your situation. How long should you wait to make that call? It is an individual preference, but if you have a problem you are wrestling with and it has been a problem for three or more months with no resolution in sight, it would be recommended to sit down with a counselor.
Is it an old problem? An old problem can be defined as something that keeps cropping up—even after you may have felt like you had some degree of victory over it in the past. Everyone usually can point to one or two things they have struggled with over many years. Some of these problems can be very troublesome like addiction, poor relational outcomes, personality issues (either yours or theirs), etc.
A counselor can help you get to the root of the problem. They may be able to frame the problem in such a way as to give you a new perspective and ideas on how to address it and, most importantly, hope that change is still possible.
Is it a new problem? These can happen particularly in the area of parenting. We can face challenges we never expected to encounter as our infant grows to adulthood. We may experience new problems as we go through the milestones of dating, marriage, divorce, and dealing with aging parents. We can lack knowledge and counselors are trained to address these stressful situations and give you new resources and ideas that bring about welcome change in your world.
Understand what counseling is intended to do. If you are under the impression that a counselor will give you a step-by-step guide to “fix” whatever is bothering you, you will most likely be very disappointed by the process. However, a good counselor will help you discover what is best for you to do in your situation. By asking questions and exploring other points of view, a good counselor should be able to lead you to your own conclusions. This takes skill on the part of the counselor and the ability to let you find out what works best for you. After all, you are the one who knows the problem and the people involved better than anyone.
If a counselor simply gave you the answer and told you exactly what to do, you wouldn’t take ownership of the solution. You wouldn’t feel the pride of knowing you tackled the problem yourself or confidence in your ability to solve challenges. Plus, if something didn’t work out, it’d be easy to shift the blame to the counselor instead of reflecting on the situation and learning from it
Counseling dispels isolation. There is a lot to be said about not feeling alone and isolated with your problems. Counseling is valuable for this very reason. Knowing that at least one other person on the planet knows exactly what you are going through can make all the difference in the world as you work toward resolving whatever challenges you may be facing.
For further resources, check out the website psychologytoday.com. You can search counselors in your area, what their specialties are, and what insurance they accept.